Listening and Feedback
Speaking and listening are two halves of the same skill. A speaker who cannot listen cannot adapt to an audience. A listener who cannot give specific feedback cannot help a speaker improve. This page offers practical protocols for both.
Active listening
Active listening is not waiting for your turn to talk. It is giving attention, checking understanding and responding to what was actually said. It is a physical and mental discipline.
| Move | What it looks like | Why it helps |
|---|---|---|
| Attend | Face the speaker; put the phone away; reduce distractions. | Signals respect and improves comprehension. |
| Notice | Watch voice, pace, body and expression. | Picks up meaning beyond the words. |
| Paraphrase | “So you are saying ...” | Checks understanding and shows attention. |
| Question | “What do you mean by ...?” | Clarifies without assuming. |
| Summarise | “The main point seems to be ...” | Consolidates the message. |
| Respond | Nod, react, follow the thread. | Gives the speaker feedback. |
Listening blocks
- Rehearsing your reply while the other person is still speaking.
- Judging the speaker before you understand the point.
- Filtering for information that confirms what you already believe.
- Mind-reading what you think they mean instead of asking.
- Distraction from phones, noise or your own worries.
- Advising too quickly instead of listening first.
What makes feedback useful
Useful feedback is specific, focused on behaviour, kind without being vague, and connected to a next step. It describes what happened and explains the effect, rather than judging the person.
| Less useful | More useful |
|---|---|
| “That was good.” | “Your opening question made me want to hear the answer.” |
| “You were nervous.” | “You spoke quickly in the first sentence; slowing down made the next point clearer.” |
| “I didn't like it.” | “I lost the thread when the second point moved to a new topic without a signpost.” |
| “Make eye contact.” | “You looked at your notes for the middle section; try looking up at the end of each sentence.” |
| “You need to be more confident.” | “Standing still for the first sentence made you look grounded.” |
The feedback sentence
I noticed ... and it made me ...
“I noticed you paused before the final sentence, and it made me pay attention to the point.”
“I noticed you looked at the back row during the example, and it made the room feel included.”
This sentence works because it names a specific behaviour and its effect. It does not claim to know the speaker's intentions, and it does not reduce the whole speech to a label.
Receiving feedback
Receiving feedback is a skill. The first impulse is often to explain or defend. Try instead to:
- Listen without interrupting.
- Ask one clarifying question.
- Thank the listener.
- Choose one change to try.
- Test the change in the next rehearsal.
You do not have to accept every suggestion. You do have to consider it. A useful response is: “I will try slowing the opening and see what happens.”
Peer feedback protocol
| Step | Speaker | Listener |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Speak | Delivers a short passage without apology. | Listens for one specific choice. |
| 2. Say back | Listens to the summary. | Summarises the main point and one technique. |
| 3. Name a strength | Receives it without explaining. | Names a specific line or choice and its effect. |
| 4. Name a next step | Chooses one change. | Offers one practical suggestion. |
| 5. Try again | Repeats the passage with the change. | Notes the difference. |
Audience feedback during a speech
A live audience gives constant feedback: nods, frowns, laughter, shifting, phone-checking, applause. You cannot control it, but you can read it. If attention drops, change pace, give an example, ask a question or move. If confusion appears, slow down and define the term. If the audience is engaged, do not rush to the end.
Be careful not to over-interpret a single face. One person's frown may mean they are thinking, not disapproving. Look for patterns across the room.
Activity: listening triad
- Form groups of three: speaker, listener and observer.
- The speaker talks for two minutes about a familiar topic.
- The listener summarises the main point and asks one question.
- The observer notes one listening behaviour and one feedback sentence.
- Rotate roles.
- Discuss which feedback was easiest to use and why.
Common errors
- Giving feedback on everything. Focus on one or two choices.
- Judging the person, not the speech. Describe behaviour and effect.
- Being vague. “Good” does not tell the speaker what to keep doing.
- Defending immediately. Listen first, then choose what to use.
- Ignoring non-verbal feedback. The audience is communicating before they speak.
- Faking attention. Speakers can tell; it damages trust.
Next, study managing nerves to prepare for the pressure of speaking. The rehearsal and delivery page turns feedback into practice.